Losing Hope
by LighterThanWhite
Summary: When he left, it didn't affect me as much, until now. I regretted my mistakes, but he always told me to smile and never look back. Without him, I crumble. I should have done something instead of saying those dreaded words, "I HATE YOU!" OOC


**Hope this one shot will be in your satisfaction :)**

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Rumors say that drinking usually solves everything, and that was what I've done. I sat on my bed, chugging down my fifth bottle of Pepsi. I wouldn't subject myself to this, but I needed an escape. An escape from reality. No one knows how hectic everything is planning out to be. I thought it would be best to ignore everything and everyone, but that didn't work out as I had planned. My friends were smart, and they knew when I was lying or upset. But anybody else would considering I just blurt out what's on the top of my mind. Finished with the soda, I chucked it at the wall, grabbed another bottle, and gulped it down. The taste of something other than apple juice or vitamin water surprisngly tasted better than what I had drank in my entire life. People see me as the "Random, Sweetest, Idiotic girl that can sing with amazing notes", but I looked at myself like I was some disgusting person. They weren't wrong though. I look pretty on the outside, but if you knew my story, you'd understand me better. I wasn't nearly as beautiful in the inside. You know what else everyone is right about? Drinking does solve everything at the moment. I didn't like the taste of alcohol, so what's the next beverage I wouldn't dare drink? Soda. It was unhealthy, bubbly, and always made me sick in the stomach. But to tell you the truth, I missed out on a lot. This drink was fantastic!

_I giggled as he pushed me on the swing set. I felt like I was flying, and I didn't want it to end. It lasted for another minute or so until he stopped, and I got off. I turned to look at him and noticed he had laid down on the grass._

_"Daddy?" I questioned, followed in pursuit, and poked his face. It was getting boring, but as he turned his head to face me, I accidently poked his eye._

_"Daddy! I'm sorry!" I started to whimper as he tried his best to make me feel better. It was working when he started doing random faces, and I laughed. He laughed along also and started stroking my face._

_"I love you Caterina Valentine. Never forget that." He spoke. There was a hint of agony in his voice, but I didn't notice at the time._

_"I know that! You tell me everyday!" I grinned, and watched the fluffy white marshmellows sway in the sky._

_"I just want to make sure you knew that Cat." I gave him the thumbs up, and continued to stare at the clouds._

How could I miss that tiny detail? I found it oddly weird that he would tell me he loved me every minute of the day, and realizing that tiny piece of detail five years ago literally broke me. I'm seventeen and if you did the math correctly, I was twelve at the time. It took me years trying to piece together everything.

_I was terrified as everything was dark, and I was sitting under my desk, shaking furiously. Appearntly, their was a man loose on campus, and once we were told to shut the doors, and close the windows, I came mad. Not like yelling and stuff, but like, I started tearing. My teacher instructed us to get under our desks and stay quiet. I hoped no one was held hostage. As I became calm, my fears kicked right back in as I heard someone trying to open the door, in safety of not getting caught by the police. I was about to scream when someone covered my mouth. I looked to see it was Beck, telling me to stay quiet. The man outside tried ways to enter. He kicked the door, kept jiggling the door knob, punching the door, and each time he did so, my aniexty level shot up even higher. To my relief, I heard nothing after. Beck uncovered my mouth, and I sighed._

_"Thank goodness." I said to Beck. All of a sudden, the jiggling on the doorknob started once again, and I was really scared. Had the person out there heard me?_

_"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" The person outside yelled. Cat knew it would have been a guy out there. But hearing those foul words, Cat started to tear._

_"I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMETHING! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" Beck looked at me, and I started shaking more violently. He tried kicking down the door again, but it failed. Beck had been helping me through this whole hour. He told me secrets in my ear, and we played the silent games. Once the lockdown was lifted, the school officals lets us go home early. I didn't question it as I was tired, and wanted to rest. As I got home, I heard yelling._

_"NO! This isn't about the fucking bills Tom! You think I'm stupid? Who was that girl you were with? HUH? HUH?" Curious, I opened the door slowly and silently. I still could hear my mother yelling at my dad._

_"HUH? ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME AGAIN?" I took a peak at her, and she was in tears. He just stood there, looking mad as ever. I toned out the rest of the conversation as I saw something I didn't want to see. He slapped her! He grabbed the knife on the table, and pointed it towards my mother._

_"I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!" I had enough, and ran past them to my bedroom. I was crying, just like my mom, and I hated my father at the moment. How dare he does this! He can ground me, he can scold me, he can prevent me from doing something I want to do, but he can't, and absolutely can't, threaten my mom. I forbid that. I heard footsteps coming towards my room, and I locked the door, crying on my bed._

_"Cat! Open up! We need to talk!"_

_"NO! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I cried onto my pillow. He kept reaching out to me, but I refused him from doing so. I will not bother even talking to anyone if it makes my mom hurt. She means a lot to me, just like my "ex" dad. _

_"Cat! Please! I just want to talk!"_

_"I HATE YOU DADDY! LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

Tears were running down my face as that was the harshest thing I have said to him. I wish I could have taken that back, but the past is past. I'll just live in the moment. Though that wasn't the only time. Ever since I saw that incident, I behaved differently towards him. Everytime he pissed me off, I would lock myself in my room, and isolate myself. Their were times I ran away from home, but that didn't help much as he just called the cops to bring me back home. I chugged down the rest of the soda, and threw it at the wall. I didn't want to feel more misery, so I continued to drink, occasionally looking at my polished yellow nails. They were bright for my liking, but Cat is Cat. And Cat likes sunshines and rainbows.

_"Beck? Will my life turn around?" I asked him, staring at his face. He just stared at the sky, and I sighed._

_"It will. Don't hope though." I looked at him once again, confused by his statement._

_"I thought hoping was good?"_

_"WAS Cat."_

_"You know that's the worst thing I heard you say." I giggled, slightly pushing his shoulders. He chuckled._

_"You didn't let me finish Valentine." I let him continue, forming pictures in the sky._

_"Don't hope, because believing is better." I sat up, and he did also._

_"You really believe my life will turn around?" I questioned. I looked at my finger nails, which were colored pink._

_"Yes. But there's nothing to fret about. I'm still your prince, and a prince always wants his princess happy." He hugged me and I frowned._

_"Thanks Beck. But sayin-" I cried, and he held me tighter. He was right though. If I wanted things to change, I had to believe. Not hope. I finally wiped my tears, and looked at him._

_"It's the thought that counts."_

_"I know."_

I smiled. I still can't believe he remembered our promise. I was out of pepsi, and I sighed. What am I supposed to do now? With no final solution, it was best if I had slept. It could be a refreshing start. I laid in my bed. I really miss my best friend. Even if he's offically gone, I still wonder what it would be like if he was still here. Not wanting to shed another tear, I closed my eyes shut.

"More time to think about this-" My eyes dropped and I finally fell asleep. It was like my brain was telling me to rest. I had enough.

-:-

As Cat slept, she was shaking furiously. Her mother went to check up on her when she noticed the empty cans of soda. She sighed, and sat beside Cat, stroking her hair.

"Sweetie. Calm down." As if on cue, she started relaxing.

"Mommy. I miss daddy."

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**That's the end. Lame ending, I know. So I hope you got a peak of Cat's (un)perfect life. See that button that says review? Hit it for me? :)**

**CookiePandaMonster**


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